homeschooling, homemaking, homesteading...home.

Monday, June 11, 2007

A paradox of motherhood

There are many. Here's the one I encounter most often these days.

It is the end of the day. A long day. I am literally fighting to get the little ones to sleep. The toddler has a million requests and a sudden uncontrollable burst of energy that has him bouncing, running, flailing, you name it. The baby wants to nurse and nurse and nurse and juuuuuust when he's almost asleep, his brother bounces or shouts or whines and whee! The baby is awake again and we're back to square one. I'm at the point where I'm completely touched out, out of patience, and entertaining fantasies of violence if it would only make everyone Shut. Up. I start fuming, thinking of all of the things I'd like to be doing (like this blog--holy good gravy, why don't I post more often??) and realizing that before I even attempt any of the dreamed-of "me" stuff, there is a mountain of dishes to be washed and laundry to be folded and I haven't even showered today so I have to do those things first but I can't because the kids are still awake and oh my stars, can't anyone just shut them off? They are driving me crazy!!!

And then...

They do fall asleep.

And all I want to do is lie next to them, and watch them. And listen to them breathe. And maybe touch them...just gently, to feel their perfect skin and silky hair and the soft rise and fall of their tummies as they dream.

* * * * *

Slightly off-topic...what would be the plural of paradox? Paradoxes? Paradoces? didn't bother addressing that. I guess you're only allowed to have one at a time.


  1. I go through this every night as I simultaneously want Sam to sleep in his crib so that I can have more space, sleep in any position I choose, and actually snuggle up to my dh if I choose and to sleep with this wonderful bundle of babyness who loves to snuggle and who isn't going to be a baby forever. Quite a difficult choice. You capture the paradox of motherhood perfectly. I love this...

    BTW, my other, less-advertised blog about homeschooling and other family craziness is over here in case you're interested...