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Monday, August 1, 2011

Apron Monday: Maternity Edition

Hey! Who out there remembers Apron Monday? Where I show off my impressively, impractically large collection of aprons and expound on their various virtues and drawbacks? Yeah, it's been a while. I stopped around the first of the year, when I ran out of current examples. Since then, I *have* acquired a few, but I have neither created any nor blogged the ones that were given to me because I've been a little preoccupied with other things.

Yup. Primarily *that* thing...
But there's one that I must blog PDQ, as the window for opportunity is about to close. And alas, this is going to be a warts-and-all post because despite the fact that I've had this apron for months, it's still not really ready for public sharing. Here, then, is my Maternity Apron.

First off, let me say that I am not interested in any comments from the Peanut Gallery about the shitty look on my face. It was 90+ degrees outside and God-knows how hot in my non-air-conditioned kitchen right in front of my preheated oven. And I'm in my ninth month of pregnancy. I'm uncomfortable. Eff you if you demand a toothpaste ad...sometimes I don't smile.

Next, all of the "this is real life" caveats. Yup, it's an action I'm in front of a messy counter and my apron is covered in cake batter, egg yolk, and most likely some leafy smudge from wiping clean the green beans I had cut for canning earlier. What does this tell you? This apron gets USED.

Okay, now for the "why I haven't blogged this yet" excuses. See the straps? Yeah, they are D-rings. Which are awesome and professional looking. And unfinished. This apron (Simplicity 2390, View D) was lovingly made for me by my mother, who is intimately familiar with my love of, and deep practical need for, aprons. She wanted to have it ready for me to wear while I hosted a party, and delivered it unfinished. I love my mom, but let's be honest here...finishing that after guests had started arriving was not high on my "likely to happen" list. I safety-pinned the tabs that secure the D-rings and put it on.

And it kept falling off. Until I got frustrated and just removed it and went back to one of my bib-style standbys, offending my gifter. Sorry, Mom. I love it. I just couldn't keep it on.

Part of the problem is the D-rings themselves. They're a great option if you have a heavier fabric. But on quilter's cotton, things seem to slip and slide and they just don't hold.

The other problem is the sheer size of this apron. I'll give Simplicity major props for the roominess of the body. This is a smock to be reckoned with. I'm ginormous now and still, nothing binds. However, like most pattern publishers, they are woefully UNskilled at creating garments that actually fit a gravid figure. I have a wide middle but my shoulders are about the same size. This thing could fit over my husband's hockey shoulderpads. (Okay, I don't know that for a I almost feel obligated to go test that theory. Almost.)

Rather than trying to sew this darling into something fitting, I kludged it. The straps, which should hang straight over my shoulders, are crisscrossed in the back. The strap ends, which should tuck nicely through the D-rings, are knotted around them. And yes, the D-rings themselves are still tacked on with safety pins. It's "done" enough for me. And seeing how I have three more weeks of pregnancy, I don't see this getting formally completed anytime soon. Or ever. (Sorry, Mom!)

The crisscross totally messes up the drape in the back,'s less of a lovely garment and more of a "look, she has some fabric haphazardly wrapped around her." Alas.

Now that I've admitted all of that, I will say some nice things about it. And maybe someday my mother will speak to me again.

1. This was made for me by my Mom. That's enough to get it high ranking in the Love category.

2. The fabric was leftover from my second son's baby quilt (made by my Mom).

I added the egg yolk myself. Tres artistic, no?
The pattern is drawings from the children's book "Guess How Much I Love You", which was the theme of his baby book, etc. Super points for nostalgia and cuteness.

3. It has full coverage. FULL coverage. Boy, if I thought that was necessary before, pregnancy has made it infinitely more so. I have an even worse case of general clumsiness, plus with this new acreage out front, less of my spills make it to the floor. No wonder this thing is filthy.

4. Giant pockets. Which, honestly, I haven't used as much as I assumed I would...but it's still nice knowing that they're there.


  1. yeay! Apron Monday! Someone needs to make ME an apron! ;-)

  2. :D Is that a hint, RJ? Oh sweetie, if I had the time. Maybe *next* year...