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Saturday, October 22, 2011

The song that never ends

OMG people, can I just rant for a moment here?

Of course I can. It's my blog. I can do whatever I damn well please.

Okay, I have an infant. A gorgeous, scrumptious, snuggly, smiley, wonderful infant. Who, like many of us, turns downright miserable if he's overtired. And yet, he fights naps. Well, who could blame him...there's some pretty novel stuff happening around him and who knows what he might miss if he loses consciousness for a bit?

But I don't so much enjoy his company when he's miserable. And also, when I haven't had a break from the constant tending of him--to the point that I will rant and moan about how I wished I could do housework for a little change of pace--well, I really need for him to nap. There are two surefire ways to make this happen. The first is nursing, but that isn't foolproof. Yeah, I can knock him out with a little of the ol' Mom Juice, but the problem there is that he's a bit of a gulper. This means that his nap time can be counted in minutes...usually on my hands...before he's up and squirming for a burp. And no, I can't nurse, then burp, then expect him to sleep. The act of burping wakes him up enough to realize that I was trying to trick him into missing stuff with that whole sleep racket. The eyes pop open, he coos (or cries), and we're back to square one.

The other method is The Swing. Nothing like a little soothing repetitive motion to zonk a kid out. I'm a big fan.

As you are probably aware, modern baby swings are pretty much all equipped with a music feature. Ours plays 15 nursery-rhyme songs, in chiming digital tones.

Boop beepy beeping BEEP! Bee-bee-boo-boopedy BEEP!

After a while that can really get under your skin. It can drill right into the brain of an adult with all the subtle grace of a relentless toddler. (Hm, perhaps this is meant to break prepare us for that stage? I wonder.) It's gotten to the point that my husband and I will exchange long-suffering "help me" looks every time one of the Helpful Older Brothers turns on the music to aid in the baby's relaxation. I hear this music when it isn't even playing. On the day that I finally snap, my Clockwork-Orange violence montage will be ironically punctuated by the Graco 15 Top Hits soundtrack.

Bee bee BOO Bee bee BOO beepedy boo bee bee ba BOO!

Yeah, so, the baby is a bit "Hell no, I'm not napping" fussy this afternoon. I plopped him in the swing. Turned on the motion. And, since Helpful Older Brothers are outside and not here to interfere assist, I did it sans music.

Kid stayed awake.

I turned on the music, and...
MAGIC!
I'm not sure whether to grudgingly admit that the manufacturers of baby equipment know something I refuse to accept (namely, babies find electronic beeping soothing), or to be resentfully sullen that, with my compliance, the Graco company has conditioned my child to like this.

They should include earplugs with these things, that's all I'm saying...

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